Friday, April 01, 2011

BREAKING NEWS: Amazon.com to Acquire Rite Aid

Hot on the heels of Walgreen’s acquisition of drugstore.com comes today’s surprise announcement that Amazon.com (NASDAQ:AMZN) is acquiring Rite Aid (NYSE:RAD). The story just broke on Dow Jones Newswires. Wow!

Here’s what CEO Jeff Bezos had to say about the combination, which will be renamed RITEon.com:
“Amazon's 2010 revenues were $34.2 billion, up 134% over the past four years. We have the highest American Customer Satisfaction Index (ACSI) score for any retailer, whether Internet or brick-and-mortar. Acquiring a debt-laden underperformer that loses market share each and every day is exactly the kind of challenge that I need.”
Apparently, Rite-Aid’s 15 minute prescription guarantee program will be retooled because (per Bezos) “one-quarter of an hour is not Internet speed.” Following the acquisition, Amazon Prime members who don’t get their prescription filled in 5 minutes will get a free Amazon Instant Video movie rental. On the downside, RITEon.com will only guarantee that prescriptions are "mostly accurate."

"RITEon, a groovy idea, man," added Bezos.

Read my comments below for important details of this surprising deal.

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OMG! It’s April Fool’s Day again!

26 comments:

  1. You are too good!
    You had me until Groovy.

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  2. Hi Adam
    It is not nice to do April Fool’s jokes….

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  3. I like the name, riteon:)

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  4. Nicely done. Forwarded to co-workers. They will be as snagged as me.

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  5. Adam,

    Love the story today…

    Yes, some folks have kicked to me ( they think I am that gullible?)…

    ReplyDelete
  6. Adam,

    A brilliant April Fools! Very funny!

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  7. Great column, Adam. I was preparing for CVS/Caremark acquiring RiteAid, and renaming the combined firm rite-off.

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  8. I didn't think you could top Wal-Wal, but you did!!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Ah yes, April Fool's Day 2009...good times.

    For those new to Drug Channels: Wal-Mart to Buy Walgreens

    Adam

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  10. Good one Adam, you had some of us going!

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  11. I can't believe that you got me again. Nicely done.

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  12. The logo is fantastic! How did you DO that?

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  13. An actual email to me this morning:

    "5 minutes to fill an rx? This concerns me from an accuracy perspective."

    I can't make this stuff up!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Adam,
    Love your humor as much as your insightful articles:)

    ReplyDelete
  15. I enjoy a good joke; I expected to see them on April 1, 2011, but not from what I thought of as professional source. I will still look for your news and comments just not take them as seriously.

    Jim

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  16. Jim,

    Sorry you were offended and/or fooled.

    If you were bothered my little joke, then I presume you will also reconsider shopping at Whole Foods, using Google's gmail service, or purchasing Toshiba products.

    Just sayin'...

    Adam

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  17. Wow...had me going for a minute...I work for a major HMO who tries (unsuccessfully) at a 15 minute in and out...errors only multiply when you try going against the clock.

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  18. Another excellent job this year. Riteon.

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  19. I sent it to someone and they actually believed it. I asked them to read it again...

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  20. Someone asked me today (April 7) if this was really true!

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  21. I just told my boss that Amazon was acquiring Rite-Aid. Then I came here for a source. Clearly I am the fool.

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  22. AnonymousJune 29, 2011

    I enjoy a good joke; I expected to see them on April 1, 2011, but not from what I thought of as professional source. I will still look for your news and comments just not take them as seriously.

    Jim

    ReplyDelete
  23. AnonymousJune 29, 2011

    The logo is fantastic! How did you DO that?

    ReplyDelete
  24. AnonymousJune 29, 2011

    Adam,

    A brilliant April Fools! Very funny!

    ReplyDelete
  25. Nicely done. Forwarded to co-workers. They will be as snagged as me.

    ReplyDelete
  26. AnonymousJune 29, 2011

    Good one Adam, you had some of us going!

    ReplyDelete

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